Dating 101: VH1′s Tough Love and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man


Are you having trouble meeting guys? Are you dating the same kind of guy over and over? Ending up in the same type of dysfunctional relationship guy after guy? If Mr. Right is eluding you, you may just need a dose of “Tough Love”. If tough love isn’t enough, you might need to learn how to “Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man.”

Hosted by professional matchmaker Steve Ward, VH1’s newest reality show “Tough Love” aims to reform the love lives of eight women who are looking for love in all the wrong ways. From the woman who is obsessed with getting married by age 25, to the woman who is hung up on “fixing” guys with emotional problems, Ward attempts to steer the women in the right direction with his tough love boot camp. The women will live together and be put through a series of tests to see what they’re doing wrong and how men perceive them. Along the way, they will receive dating advice from Ward and viewers are made privy to Ward’s rules for dating. Here are a few:

Rule #1: Don’t be weird.
If you are into off the wall stuff, like maybe you think you are a vampire, keep that to yourself. (One of the contestants really said she was a vampire on a speed date.)
Rule #19: There is no room for hypocrisy in dating.
If you won’t date an older guy, don’t expect a younger guy to date you.
Rule #71: Most guys love a good cat fight, but nobody wants to take home the cat.
Meaning, they may think it’s hot seeing to women go after each other, but they won’t want to take either of you home to meet their Mother.
Rule #76: A first date is never a good time to air your dirty laundry.
No guy wants to hear that you set your ex-boyfriend’s car on fire (à la Bernie in “Waiting to Exhale”) after you caught him cheating. We’d hope you didn’t do that anyway. But if you did do it, no need to tell the new guy that on the first date!

Click here to view the “Tough Love” trailer


A big part of the problem with dating is that men and women just don’t understand each other. Right? Well comedian Steve Harvey has written a book to clear up some of the confusion women often have when it comes to men. In “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, Harvey outlines what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment and advises women to lay out her standards from the beginning. If you know your goal is to be in a committed relationship, why waste time with the guy who says he just wants a fling? According to Harvey, if a man wants you, he will rise to the occasion to meet the standards that you set. But that’s only IF he wants to be with you, if he doesn’t he’ll run. And isn’t it better to know that from the start?

Here are a few pieces of advice from Harvey:

1. A man is only doing one or two things with you. He’s either playing with you, or planning with you.
You want the guy with the plan for you. If he’s “just kicking it” with you, he’s just not that into you.
2. Ask a man what his goals are on the first date.
If the man you are dating’s main goal is to become the biggest drug dealer in your neighborhood, it’ll be good to know before you become too entrenched in his world, so you can get out before you get caught up. Unless of course you’re into that sort of thing, then by all means, stay.
3. Institute a three month rule.
According to Harvey, Ford Motor Company requires employees to work for a 90 day probationary period before they awarded benefits such as medical and dental insurance. He says women should treat the first three months with a man as a probationary period and institute a three month rule before having sex with a guy.
4. If you go to your man with a situation that is fixable and he doesn’t try to fix it – he is not your man. He is not in love with you.
If your car breaks down and your boo doesn’t offer you a ride to work and he has to pass your job to get to his, and you’re left to wait for the bus, you have a problem.

Harvey also outlines the three ways a man will show his love for a woman. We’ll refer to them as the three P’s.

1. Profess
After six months he should introduce you to people as his woman, girlfriend, lady, fiance, wife or something. Not as his friend, and definitely not just by your name. In the book Harvey writes “The man who truly has feelings for you will give you a title. That title is his way of letting everyone within the sound of his voice know that he is proud of being with you and that he has plans for you.”
2. Provide
Self explanatory. If a man loves you, he will provide for you.
3. Protect
On a recent visit to Oprah, Harvey tells the story of going deep sea diving with his wife. He’s not into diving so he instructed his security guard to to swim around and keep an eye on her. The dive masters were instructed that if his wife did not come back up, everyone was to get into the water to look for her. If a man is into you, he will do everything in his power to protect you.

Here is a clip of him discussing the book with Oprah and Gayle.

Between books and movies like “He’s Just Not That Into You,” VH1’s new show “Tough Love” and Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” it seems like there is a huge market out there aimed at helping women traverse the world of dating and to begin to understand the man’s psyche. If you’re having problem’s understanding what’s going on in your relationship check out “Tough Love” on VH1, Sundays at 10pm. “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” is in stores now.

Seemingly there is a lot for women to learn about men and their views on dating and relationships. Have you ever broken one of Steve Ward’s dating rules? What do you think about Steve Harvey’s advice? And please remember, I didn’t come up with any of these rules or tips, I’m just the messenger.

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  1. wow! love the rules you picked out! and i’m definitely gonna keep the 3 P’s in mind! i should keep these rules down on post-it notes and hand them out to guys whenever they break them on dates… no more sitting back and SMH while some loser goes on about his shitty last gf! :)

  2. Marvin Spencer says:

    I could almost hear Steve Hervey voice on the 3 p’s and the aother rules but i’m not really felling it like i understands about tough love rules, even though Mr Hervey is alot older then me he might have a different piont of view. keep up that good work Melissa for informing people about dating and others.


  1. […] there was the Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man book (2009) and then months later, VH1 premiered Tough Love. In 2012, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a […]

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